On the next two Saturdays Sexy Clubwear we are going to witness the marriage ceremonies sons of close friends. As I fling through the fancy dresses in my closet, I hear my mother's voice:

"Don't Wholesale Babydoll Lingerie wear white — you're not the bride."

"Don't wear black — it's not a funeral."

"Don't ytuyikuoll wear red — it's too provocative."

I remember one of our own guests who once dated my then-bachelor husband wore all black to our 1988 wedding, topped by a black hat with a black veil. I think she was trying to tell us something. One stunning younger cousin arrived in a tight white mini with a plunging neckline, and it irked me as I was demurely shrouded in heavy silk shantung.

Iris KrasnowWe are told to avoid subjects that make people uneasy, subjects that make us feel like throwing something at the person shouting his or her opposing view.

Here's the big three topics that your mama told you are NOT polite dinner conversation: Politics, religion and sex. Yet, these three topics...

We are told to avoid subjects that make people uneasy, subjects that make us feel like throwing something at the person shouting his or her opposing view.

Brides shouldn't be too racy but nor should her guests.

No red? Now that one I don't understand as red is the ancient color of love. Hearts are red, roses are red, red evokes images of romance and passion. I happen to have a very old red dress that I can still shimmy into that would be perfect for both events. Yet, as I am observing my red self in the mirror, I hear my mother's voice again, loudly declaring: "You look like a tramp."

As for black, with the right dress that color can look more celebratory than dark as long as it doesn't come with a mourner's veil.

So, in the spirit of the arrival of peak wedding season, I offer my own guide to "What Not To Wear To A Wedding." This advice is part mother-channeling, though mostly stems from observing some questionable attire at the dozens of weddings I have attended since graduating from college in 1976.

Iris KrasnowWho will stop the rain? We are all asking the question, parroting the lyric from Creedence Clearwater Revival's 1970 song. "Rain, rain, go away" is no longer a children's anthem. It's a state-wide rant, as we approach Day 19 of this cold, wet mess.

In "My Fair Lady" we heard that the "Rain In Spain...

Who will stop the rain? We are all asking the question, parroting the lyric from Creedence Clearwater Revival's 1970 song. "Rain, rain, go away" is no longer a children's anthem. It's a state-wide rant, as we approach Day 19 of this cold, wet mess.

Don't upstage the bride: Save your low-cut evening gowns with slits up the thigh for your next big-birthday or anniversary party where YOU should be the center of attention. The bride is the star of this show, and needs to shine brightly above all the rest. That also means avoiding dresses that are too close to white, as are pale pink or ivory.

Dresses that barely cover your butt may be your choice for Girl's Night Out but are a bad choice at most weddings — except those in Las Vegas chapels. You can't dance wildly or comfortably bend at the buffet while constantly tugging at your hemline to make sure your panties aren't showing. Check yourself out in a mirror while stretching your arms or bending over before leaving home. If your underwear is exposed — even if it matches the dress — pick something else to wear. The less-is-more approach assures that the bride and her mother and new mother-in-law are less likely to invite you to future family soirees.

Perennial hippie chicks who think "cocktail attire" means your halter top from Woodstock paired with an Indian-print skirt fashioned from an old bedspread need to resist this ensemble until the next Grateful Dead tour, now Dead & Company. Unless the wedding is staged by like-spirited pals this is not the place to make your un-fashion statement which may be interpreted as disrespectfully casual. Though you can wear your Birkenstocks, if they are a pair from the more recent collection that includes metallic leather and lace-up styles.

Some invitations in seaside communities instruct guests to wear "Yacht Club Casual". This can be confusing to people who have never been to a yacht club or on a yacht. If you are that guy and think this term means flip-flops, running shorts, a T-shirt from your high school lacrosse team and a life vest slung over your shoulder it's good that you stumbled upon this column. "Yacht Club Casual", which is nearly the same as "Smart Dress", is a blazer, dark trousers or nice khakis, closed shoes, and a long sleeved shirt. You could also probably get away with a silky V-neck shirt with short sleeves, worn under your jacket. Tie is not required.

"Black Tie" tagged onto the bottom of a wedding invitation makes a lot of men I know groan a little or a lot. This because to rent or buy a tux is expensive, and the ones they wore to their own weddings likely don't fit anymore. Trying to wriggle into this vintage suit, twenty or so pounds later, can bring on an urgent membership to Jenny Craig.

"Black Tie" means business, it's black and white. It means that the bride and groom have planned a formal event and they expect you to put on a tuxedo. The word "optional" is not there, wish as you might. However, you can still add your own signature touches.

At one Chicago wedding I attended a young man was wearing red sneakers with his tuxedo, which was a shimmery sapphire tone. His bow-tie was also flaming red. At a Black Tie wedding in Tucson many men wore bolo ties and turquoise or coral studs. And of course you can always wear crazy-patterned socks to distinguish yourself from the other penguins in the room.